I have been thinking a great deal about friendship the past few days. Many of you know Giz. I was sorry to read a post on her Face Book page where she talked about being "dumped" by someone she had known for eight years. While this is painful at any age, it seems to hurt more as you get older.There have been two incidences in my own life this year where I, too, have been "dumped". One is by a member of my own family. With no explanation or warning or reason that I know of, one of our family members has just cut off contact with us. And not only with us. She does not seem to be in touch with anyone in our family. This is a distressing mystery.
The other instance involves friends who we have known for more than 20 years. They had their first grandchild this February and they emailed us when the baby was born. I sent their children a baby gift but I have not heard a word from them since. I expected to hear from them when my mother died but nothing even though we have tried to be supportive and encouraging to them over the years when they have had family tragedies. I sent them a card for their anniversary as is our custom but there has been no response at all.
I admit that I do not understand this kind of behaviour at all. Some people say that some friendships are only for a season and we should be ready to let go when interest lags. When there is mutual disinterest, I agree that you just move on with your life. I do think, however, that it is only common courtesy to bring some kind of closure to a relationship that last lasted for years. It would be nice, in my case, to get some kind of explanation to the sudden silence because I am tending to treat both these situations as a rejection of me and that may or may not be true.
The picture with this blog was taken on Saturday. For my birthday, I asked these two couples to meet us for a celebration lunch. We have all known each other for 20 plus years and try to have brunch or lunch every couple of months or so. We had a great time although this year has not been an easy one. Both our male friends have had health problems this past year and all three of the women have lost a parent recently.
The kind of friendship we share has been a support through some tough times although we do have to work at staying in touch since we live a fair distance away from each other.
Food for thought . . .
What a sad post. I am sorry to hear that. I just completed a little bit more of my 101 things about me and #43 talks about the disappointment I feel when friends do not contact me. Sometimes I wonder why, after having a fantastic time with friends that I do not hear from them again unless I call.
ReplyDeleteIt's partly the sign of our time. We get so busy doing sometimes unimportant things that our friendships suffer!
ReplyDeleteI have recently had the pleasure of reconnecting with friends from high school. This has been great. I have missed these friends and it is good to reconnect.
ReplyDeleteThe picture is lovely. I hope you had a wonderful time regardless of the other people who are missing out on your life.
Loosing friends *does* hurt *a lot*. I can feel your pain when reading your entry.
ReplyDeleteI still feel hurt when I think about lost friendships. I'm someone who does not give up easily...but I do want some depth in friendship too. So I know I'm not easy ;-).
It's great you *do* have friendships of 20 years though...it's very great you do have such dear friends for such a long time! I'm sure you - like me - try to focus on what we have in friendships rather on what we lost...but somehow we never seem to convince ourselves, do we ;-)
I was thinking some more about the subject of loosing friends. I think the most bothersome in loosing friendships for me is in the 'not knowing why'. Some people just don't (dare to?) tell why they cut it off. It can make me feel soo sad and vulnerable!
ReplyDeleteFood for thought indeed...